Baseball Is Life: We Can’t Have Nice Things
2017 Reds / Baseball Is Life / Joey Votto is Perfect

Baseball Is Life: We Can’t Have Nice Things

This week, in my continuing effort to flee the season, I wound up in Salisbury, Maryland, and it quickly became a desperate search to understand why anyone lives there. The humidity was approximately eight thousand percent, the hotel washcloths were festively decorated with mosquitoes, and the local hospital hung a giant banner congratulating itself on … Continue reading

Vottomatic v3.0
Joey Votto is Perfect

Vottomatic v3.0

Joey Votto is like a self-aware computer program.  He is constantly receiving data from his eyes, ears, and muscles during every plate appearance.  His brain (CPU?) takes all of this data and formulates strategies and pre-planned responses, probably involving the terms “most likely” and “maximization of production.” Synthesizing all of this data tends to lead … Continue reading