Last night sucked and it sucked in all ways at all times because even though the Cubs pitcher sucked the Reds sucked even worse at getting runners across and I don’t want to talk about it anymore. Except maybe for this one time when Marty read the third inning trivia question and Cowboy shouted out the answer before he even read the choices and Marty got exasperated and said “I don’t even care anymore” and told everyone that Cowboy was right. That was pretty funny.

This is what we’re reduced to now.

Starting Pitchers

Sonny Gray (R) 163.2 2.80 190 1.09 29
Yu Darvish (R) 163.1 3.97 204 1.11 29


Sonny Gray is pitching tonight so here’s everything you need to know:

The most recent episode of Miami Vice I watched was called “Florence Italy,” which I thought was going to find an excuse to send Crockett and Tubbs to Florence Italy, but apparently that wasn’t in the budget for NBC, not even for Miami Vice in 1986. I guess they blew it all on music rights and hairspray. All they had the money for was to cast a prostitute named “Florence Italy” and shove in about 27 minutes of stock footage of the Grand Prix of Miami, which I just right now discovered existed, much to my Top Gear/Grand Tour fan shame.

Also in this episode Crockett and Tubbs pose as their drug-dealing aliases, Burnett and Cooper, and make their way into a race car driver party as “potential sponsors,” which at first made me laugh very hard. They’re drug dealers and they want to get their name out to the general public? How’s that gonna work? They’re gonna have their headshots on the hood with a photo of a giant pile of snow?

But then I remembered this was Miami in the 80’s and instead of sending smoke and confetti into the air at the end of the race, the event planners probably shot off cannons of crack directly into the crowd. So I’m buying it.

Oh, and Sonny Gray’s ERA is now 2.80.

Stupid Cubs

I like my job so I’ve got nothing to say about Yu Darvish’s name. Nothing. At. All.


The Reds bullpen had to step in after the third inning, the best part of which was the aforementioned trivia question shenanigans, so that should tell you about what kind of shape the relief corps is in this evening.

In the 9th inning, the Reds did what they had done the entire game and loaded the bases without actually scoring, and made the Cubs add in another relief pitcher at the bottom of the night, which made me spitefully happy. So if you want occasion to sin by rejoicing in the misfortune of your enemies, the Reds will ironically help you out every now and then. Pass it on.

Starting Lineups


  1. Josh VanMeter (L) 2B
  2. Joey Votto (L) 1B
  3. Eugenio Suarez (R) 3B
  4. Aristides Aquino (R) RF
  5. Tucker Barnhart (L) C
  6. Phillip Ervin (R) LF
  7. Brian O’Grady (L) CF
  8. Jose Peraza (R) SS
  9. Sonny Gray (R) P

Stupid Cubs

  1. Ben Zobrist (S) 2B
  2. Nicholas Castellanos (R) RF
  3. Kris Bryant (R) 3B
  4. Kyle Schwarber (L) LF
  5. Willson Contreras (R) 1B
  6. Victor Caratini (S) C
  7. Jason Heyward (L) CF
  8. Nico Hoerner (R) SS
  9. Yu Darvish (R) P

News and Notes

-Joey Votto is back in the lineup tonight after battling sickness… OF BEING TOO AWESOME AMIRITE??!?!

-Derek Dietrich took Trevor Bauer shopping and then decided that he needed to “accessorize.” Do not let Derek Dietrich accessorize you unless you want to look like you just fell right out of the audience of Hangin’ Tough Live, because he thinks it should involve fanny packs and Jordan Knight’s hat.

-Josh VanMeter left the game with the eventual and troubling explanation of “family illness.” Later he posted this:

Our very best wishes to Josh’s loved ones.

-Redleg Nation’s Jason Lindon is, sadly, stepping away from the site. He says farewell and shares his thoughts about the offseason today.

43 Responses

  1. VaRedsFan

    The worst part of the season ending is no more hillarious MBE game thread writeups

    • Mary Beth Ellis

      Aw thanks! But I’ll still be doing Baseball is Life through the offseason, and posting several times a week at 🙂

  2. Eric B

    Hello again Mary Beth.
    I read your entire piece but I couldn’t get the first part off my mind as it summed my thoughts up perfectly. Not only about last night or even the entire season. After the reds have sucked starting with week one they have sucked at the midway point and continued to suck there afterwards.
    But now….. After finishing what has been a heart wrenching season with nothing to play for going on for at least a month now they have dropped to the 12th spot in the upcoming MLB 2020 June draft. They have held the 10th spot for what seems like forever leaving me optimistically hopeful they would move into the top 8. But no, they can’t even lose to their advantage stage. This all but dooms their chance to draft Asa Lacy, LHP out of Texas A&M the #6 prospect according to MLB. This guy is the stud left hander the reds need to shore up the rotation for a playoff run in 2023. Drafting out of the top 10 was the only opportunity the reds have remaining to suck. With some of the worst of the worst teams in tank mode, as they should be this time of the year with nothing to play for except draft position it seems the reds will suck to the very end accomplishing completely nothing.

    • Mary Beth Ellis

      🙂 But do you feel better? That’s the important thing.

      • Eric B

        I do. The darkness is no place to be but hard to avoid at times following the reds constantly.

  3. VaRedsFan

    Votto pulling it into the corner. 2 batters 1 run.

  4. VaRedsFan

    Aquino has resurfaced!!!!!
    3-0 Reds!

    • Eric B

      Pitchers have obviously made the adjustment after Aquino made his torrid debut. Now we see if he is capable of doing what separates the men from the boys with new guys. Keep up the adjustment or wither like chaff .

  5. Curt

    I think Suarez leads the league in K’s doesn’t he?

    • Eric B

      1. Acuna • ATL 180
      2. Suarez • CIN 176
      3. Alonso • NYM 165
      4. Soler • KCR 165
      5. Harper • PHI 165
      6. Odor • TEX 163
      7. Villar • BAL 160
      8. Santana • SEA 159
      9. Myers • SDP 157

  6. Seat101

    Well let’s see how the Reds handle prosperity

  7. Indy Red Man


    Pro’s: They’ll have a shot with Gray, Castillo, and Bauer heading the rotation. Aquino should do some damage, but of course he’ll have up-n-downs as a young guy. Maybe JVM turns into vintage Daniel Murphy although I doubt it. Maybe Votto has one .900 ops season left in him but I doubt it.

    Con’s: This is the same team that runs out Iglesias and Barnhart as a 5 hole hitter so they obviously have no idea wtheck they’re doing. They have a ton of arms, but alot of holes in the bullpen. They need an established arm or two and atleast one needs to be a lefty.

    I’ll be back if I’m still in America, but Ukraine is calling:) I can still check in, but its 7 hours ahead

  8. Indy Red Man

    Once again Thom B. has no idea what he’s talking about. He just said Woodruff shut down SD tonite thru 5. They pulled him after 2 innings since he just came back

  9. Indy Red Man

    3-0 with our best pitcher on the mound and we get Schwarber’d anyway. They’re without Baez and Rizzo. The Reds are without direction which is worse. Tucker batting 5th does what TB does. I’m out again. Good night

    • Eric B

      I feel your pain. Barnhart is a career 8th place hitter.

  10. VaRedsFan

    8 K’s in a row, and 11 in the game thru 4 innings for Darvish

    • VaRedsFan

      MLB record is 10 in a row (Seaver…the last 10 of the game)

  11. NCHank

    I hate to say it, but you just know how this game is going to turn out . . . another gut wrenching loss in a game they could have won . . . and the Reds hitters made to look like little leaguers by Darvish. Right now I’m waiting for the roof to cave in because the Reds for sure won’t score another run . . . the chance of holding a one run lead for the rest of the game is very small. Ugh!


    Love us some MBE game thread!!

    Let’s see if Sonny can keep dealing and the boys can do a little more damage to the Stupid Cubs.

  13. VaRedsFan

    Suarez tacks 1 on…screamer thru the middle

    • Sliotar

      Should be enough runs ……. if Gray is planning to pitch the first complete game for the Reds this season.

      • Eric B

        Would be very cool but I don’t think DB will have any of it.

  14. NCHank

    I might want to re-think my previous . . .

  15. Seat101

    Why the heck do these games have to go so long?

    By the way MBE I used to do the weekend updates on news channel 5 here in Cincinnati over the weekend. Every Saturday after “Saved By The Bell”I would come and give the update.

    If you watched SBTB here in Cincinnati and stuck around for the update… That’s me!

    And it would’ve been COAL not Cole for the villains first name. imo

    • Mary Beth Ellis

      I no doubt did watch you! Seeing my sister and me draped over the couch watching SBTB was always my mother’s cue to say “Oh, it’s the intellectual hour!”

      The joys of having a Master’s holding teacher for a mama….

      • Seat101

        My favorite update was when the President of the United States threw up on the Prime Minister of Japan.

      • Mary Beth Ellis

        I don’t even remember what the actual footage of that looks like anymore because it’s been superimposed by the Dana Carvey SNL bit.

  16. Eric B

    David Bell with Derrik Johnson reminds me of when George W. Bush was president but Dick Cheany made all the pitching decisions.

      • Doug Gray

        Eric, keep any and all political commentary off the site.

        Seat, don’t call people trolls.

  17. RedAlert

    Votto absolutely sucks on basepaths. Might be worst baserunner in MLB by a WIDE margin – and getting worse ! – geeze .

  18. Broseph

    I’m not watching the game but saw Barnhart grounded to second and Votto was thrown out at home in non-force.

    Say Votto didn’t run, was it a DP ball? Tucker isn’t exactly speedy. Players could help the guy out by hitting a ball out of the infield.

    • VaRedsFan

      Aquino was running on the pitch, so no chance at a DP

    • Seat101

      I think Aquino was running on the pitch and the double play was unlikely. Perhaps it was run on contact for the runner on third. Just watching it though it looked like a TOOTBLAN.

      My AutoCorrect really wanted to say “”toothbrush

  19. Mary Beth Ellis


  20. RedNat

    How does the song go? Hey hey what do you say? The reds just beat the cubs today!!!