At a time when none of us need any more ugly, Josh The Pilot just came in the room and intoned, “The day has come.” He usually saves intoning for very bad things, so I braced up for some good panicking, and then he said: “The TV doesn’t work,” and then I panicked in full.

The despaired-over departed is at a minimum eight years old, and for at least the past two, whenever we pass a 4K for sale he studies it, sighs, thinks, shakes his head, thinks again, sighs some more, reads the installation instructions, pets it, and walks on. Not having an excuse to replace our student loan-people old TV with a student loan-people smart one has been his great unrequited love.

This means a trip to the store to decide on a new one at last, which will involve a very great deal of gazing, calculating, measuring, deciding, changing of mind, changing back, discussion of pixels, and consultation with the whole entire Internet. On our budget, a TV is a massive investment, so we really should take the time to ensure we’re finding one that lasts, as opposed to my usual gut and sparkles-based decision making (“This box has a picture of a giraffe on it!”) I depend on him to be the even-handed one. But this is a person who actually says to drive-thru employees, “Just a minute, I’m thinking” and then actually thinks as we and the cars behind us combust dead dinosaurs at great cost as I die inside a million times. So RIP the rest of my August.

TL;DR: Today’s game will be a Radio Game. Please message me immediately if Thom says anything relevant.

Starting Pitchers

Cal Quantrill 75.1 3.23 61 1.12 17
Sonny Gray 132.2 2.98 154 1.12 24

Guess. What. TIME. It. Is:

-The most recent episode of Miami Vice I watched was about a scammer attempting to make Sonny feel sorry for her and buy a bunch of 80s cocaine from her boyfriend. She does this by lying around in a bikini and crying a lot. But Sonny knows she’s trying to scam him, so he takes one for the Vice Squad and has lots of Adult Time with her until the police shoot her boyfriend (played by Ted Nugent, who reaches deep into his performance skills to portray a drug dealer by not wearing a shirt the entire episode, even with a sportscoat– it was an amazing 47 minutes of television, you guys) and show up to arrest Crying Bikini Scammer, who looks sadly at Sonny, turns to the cop escorting her away, and within five steps is attempting to initiate Adult Time in the police helicopter. And you can tell Sonny is sad. The episode guide I’m following pronounced Sonny as sad because he was in love with Crying Bikini Scammer, but I don’t think that’s so. I think Sonny was sad because he wants an actual relationship which involves emotional resonance, trust, and shared values instead of just Adult Time, and deep beneath his cynical exterior, he was hoping that Crying Bikini Scammer was legitimately interested in him instead of being a Crying Bikini Scammer. As a vice cop, he is exhausted from seeing the worst of human nature and is craving a glimmer of light in the people he protects.

-The Padres’ pitcher is named Cal and does not have anything to do with the Vice Squad.

Starting Lineups


  1. Josh VanMeter (L) 1B
  2. Freddy Galvis (S) 2B
  3. Eugenio Suarez (R) 3B
  4. Aristides Aquino (R) RF
  5. Tucker Barnhart (S) C
  6. Jose Iglesias (R) SS
  7. Nick Senzel (R) CF
  8. Brian O’Grady (L) LF
  9. Sonny Gray (R) P

Heathen Californians

  1. Greg Garcia (L) 2B
  2. Josh Naylor (L) RF
  3. Manny Machado (R) 3B
  4. Eric Hosmer (L) 1B
  5. Francisco Mejia (S) LF
  6. Manuel Margot (R) CF
  7. Luis Urias (R) SS
  8. Austin Hedges (R) C
  9. Cal Quantrill (L) P

News and Notes

-Derek Dietrich started with the Bats last night in a rehab assignment. Guess what happened to him while he was batting. Guess. Guess. Just guess. You will never guess.

-Amir Garrett returns from suspension due to his role in The Great Amir Vs. The Whole Entire Pirates Bench Beatdown. It was eight games long. In those eight games, we have sucked much.

-Josh The Pilot has entered the room once more to announce he has anointed his Television of Choice. I don’t believe him.

123 Responses

  1. Wayne nabors

    are some of the positions switched around?

    • rex

      yup it was wrong on espn and mlb…O’Grady is really gonna catch, Vanmeter isn’t really gonna play center field

    • Mary Beth Ellis

      What, you don’t think Tucker can play left field? 😉
      Doug is editing the post now, likely Fixing Things

      • Doug Gray

        Word, MBE!

        Someone definitely had it wrong – I saw it going around the twittersphere, earlier, too. It got a lot of peoples.

        I also believe that Tucker could play left field, though I also think it would be an adventure.

      • Mary Beth Ellis

        UPDATE: Doug has Fixed Things

  2. Rut

    Sonny was well aware. Hottie French lady was trying to get him to kill Nugent for abusing him (which she actually kind of enjoyed), where Nugent would spring the trap. Her success with trapping other dudes was the reason for the mountains of sand at dump yard. Sonny was certainly sad, but not that he was ever thinking he had anything with le francais. He was sad at the waste and craziness of such a fine specimen (this was the 80s afterall).

    One of the better episodes, great soundtrack at end (thankfully not Nugent). Also really like the one with Willie Nelson as the aged Texas Ranger, thats good irony and fun for all!

    As for the TV, just go to Costco and figure it out. Better deal and warranty than anywhere else

    • Mary Beth Ellis

      see, this is the level of analysis and intelligent discussion I need out of this comments section.

      Yeah, Sonny didn’t ever think she was on the level, but I think deep down he wanted her to be not-crazy. Well, not her exactly, but someone who understood him who also didn’t steal his service weapon. He wants an actual relationship with someone at some point. Sadly, the Crazy-Hot matrix makes this nearly impossible (I’ve worked with models. I can verify.)

      • Rut

        It was the epitome of Crockett Cool. He knew the deal, wished it wasn’t, but was jaded enough to just stab out his cigarette, turn around, and walk of to “just makes me want to cryyyyy…”

        Funny enough, i feel the same about the Reds and these 1 run losses. Wakes me wanna cry, but jaded enough to expect the obvious ending!

      • RedsMonk65

        I like the word “epitome”. Once knew a guy back in college (in the mid-80s when Miami Vice was all the rage) that insisted on pronouncing it “EP-uh-tome.”

        He’s a police officer in Cleveland now.

      • Mary Beth Ellis

        I used to pronounce “debris” with an R.

        That ending scene was one of the best of the entire series so far.

    • daytonnati

      I liked the Vietnam flashback episode with Bob Balaban. Lots of Doors music.

      • Mary Beth Ellis

        With G Gordon Liddy! That show had the most insane guest stars

  3. matthew hendley

    Well to continue strange things 101. I come home and the Wifi hits me up with an ESPN story about how Luis Castillo had been caught up in a Dominican Drug ring with some former MLB players.

    I clicked on it thinking the worst.

    Its the Infielder from back before. Not ours.

    David bell should run with it for an inning. All the People are still out there, could go with the proper alignment for the 2nd.

    • RedsMonk65

      Almost got me too. Sigh of relief. Hopefully our Castillo is smarter than that.

  4. Doug Gray

    Game will be delayed. Scheduled start time is now 7:20pm.

  5. Curt

    The “accidental” humor in original line-up posting couldn’t be more perfect. A misprint I’m sure but wouldn’t it be funny if it was actually the devilish work of a disgruntled insider who’s had it with the musical chairs and needed some comic relief? One can wish…

    Glad that O’Grady’s getting a start, of course he’s a L/L 1B by trade who’s played some RF and CF this year but by all means, sure LF should work. As long as JVM is in the line-up. And having VanMeter lead off is creative.
    Hopefully Suarez hits a HR in the 1st inning….(ahem) Go Reds!

  6. earmbrister

    No need to guess. Last night’s TV (you know TV, it’s the box with the penguin on top – I’ll see your Miami Vice and raise you a Monty Python) broadcast informed us that DD was promptly HBP in his first AB. We’re they playing the Pirates’ affiliate?

    So sorry to hear of your loss Mary Beth. Unfortunately, those that got to watch last night were grieving also.

    Always a pleasure MB.

    • Mary Beth Ellis

      Thank you earmbrister! I was going to say I was enjoying this game a lot more than last night’s but then… error town.

  7. VaRedsFan

    There was a clip on the broadcast that I never knew. A few months before Tom Browning’s perfect game, Ron Robinson retired the 1st 26 Expos before giving up a hit.

    • D Ray White

      Watched both games while listening to Marty and Joe. The Robinson game was heartbreaking.

    • Mary Beth Ellis

      Who *didn’t* retire 26 Expos in a row?

  8. Mike The Commenter (Adams)

    Mary Beth the Writer:
    Is there a story behind the name/title “Josh the Pilot”?
    I like it much better than “significant other” but I couldn’t help but wonder during the delay.

  9. Eric B

    Mary. Look at Sony online. Get you a smart one with the “gorilla screen” I got that particular model after my daughter threw a water bottle at my previous dearly departed one. This new one cannot be broke by a water bottle.

    • VaRedsFan

      Was it when Peraza pinch hit for JVM? I had to get a new remote for that one.

    • Mary Beth Ellis

      It can be broken by a water bottle because you disowned her? Cuz that that’s what I’d do.

      • Eric B

        Hi there Mary Beth.

        So we didn’t exactly see her do the dastardly deed in question. If so, the full and very expansive investigation would have not been necessary which upon its conclusion exculpatory evidence was presented in discovery vindicating her. She was actually throwing the alleged bottle of water at her little sister and missed high and outside. This put my Sony in the direct line of fire. She was only 14 years old at the time so expulsion (though thourally deliberated) was simply out of the question after a not unanimous family vote. The one abstained vote was from her 10 year old little sister.

        I really enjoyed your article as I always do. I was serious about checking out that Sony with the gorilla screen. It’s virtually indestructible from impact wounds. It is a bit pricey though I’m sure this would fall within your budget. If interested I can send a model number your way.

    • Eric B

      He is that for sure we really need one of those after 4 years of futility. I just wish DB would leave him there.

  10. RedsMonk65

    Aquino with an RBI single to begin the onslaught!

  11. Eric B

    Not sure exactly when that happened. She held out a good while on that one. I quit kicking TVs and breaking remotes. Well, maybe not remotes, but kicking TVs wasn’t getting me very many rewards at home.

      • Eric B

        Ha Ha!! I have definitely proven that to be very true for most of our 35 years. It does take a while to figure that one out for yourself.

  12. Eric B

    JVM and Sonny worked well on that one which is not as easy as they made it look. SG has quite the scoreless streak going

  13. Old-school

    Joe Torre has allowed Clint hurdle. Very disappointing that Bob Castellini allows Torre in the booth.

    • Eric B

      You know if I read David Bells lips correctly and I’m sure I did, he looked right at Hurdle and called him a piece of something he would rather not be called at least twice if not three times. Hurdle has a reputation of getting even if not instigating these type issues. I just don’t see him changing any time soon. DB has a short fuse and Clint Hurdle has been known to “yank your chain.”
      Not a good combination for a peaceful gathering.

    • earmbrister

      Torre is a baseball executive, not the commissioner, and not God (and in what world does Castellini decide what MLB execs are welcome). He comes from the “old school” (isn’t that ironic) where beaning and scuffles were more commonplace. I was really impressed by him in the booth tonight. You never know what hardship has hit other people, and it’s easy to assume that someone who is successful has always had it easy. His story of his abusive father, and the effect on his mom and the kids was truly touching. Much like the Anderson Cooper interview of Stephen Colbert, who lost his father and two brothers to a plane crash when he was about 10 years old.

      Count me impressed by his charitable work.

      • Eric B

        When the “pre game warning both teams issue” was brought up tonight in the booth I understood Torre to say he did not support these types of warnings. Does he have any part in making these type of decisions?

  14. RedAlert

    Suárez killing this team batting 3rd !

    • Chris Holbert

      He strikes out way too much, and basically gives up with two strikes

  15. VaRedsFan

    Our guys just swing at everything when they get 2 strikes on them.
    Except Votto, who swings at nothing.
    Hyperbole noted…..

  16. Chris Holbert

    Sonny Gray has become the ace of this pitching staff….and Derek Johnson is probably team MVP

  17. RedAlert

    Sonny is shovin ‘ !!!! Dude is a freaking bulldog on the mound !

  18. Seat101

    How do y’all!?!

    I’ve been on the phone for the last three hours, literally. It was actually nice to talk to people, for once. I am not the worlds greatest Texter. I know that will surprise many of you rher

    This has been a fun baseball game to watch. One person did text me and tell me that I should, instead of complaining about an interview listen to the Joe Torre interview and she was right. Thom was pitch perfect w/the interview.

    And it’s been a fun game to watch. Really good pitching. The empire is doing a good job too, I believe

    • Seat101

      I just want to say that it’s been a fun baseball game to watch.

      And don’t call me Shirley

      • earmbrister

        Tough day to give up sniffing glue …

  19. Eric B

    Suarez is determined to 40 plus HRs. He knows this team is going nowhere fast this year so he’s trying to go where he has never been with HRs. If he will quit trying so hard he may just reach 40.

    • RojoBenjy

      I’d love to see him relax and start staying behind the ball to opposite field.

      • Eric B

        It seems like when he does start using the whole field that is when he can get on a good roll. Suarez naturally has power and when he turns on a mistake pitch it’s going deep most of the time anyway. You would think he wouldn’t change his approach or seem to focus only on going deep and maybe he’s not. I don’t know it just seems like that is his main focus right now. You can see that in his swing lately.

    • Seat101

      Wow! They’re starting to mention who’s pizza it is!

      What a great camerawork! And Sonny Gray is a great athlete! Yeah it was a good call by the Umpire,too!

  20. RedsMonk65

    Wow, the Reds have mighty fine starting pitchers who (usually) pitch mighty fine games. C’mon bats, come alive and back them up!

    Last year Reds could hit, but not pitch. This year, it’s the reverse. One of these days, they have to get it together!

    • RedsMonk65

      I take it all back if I jinxed him.

  21. Seat101

    All right, let’s warm somebody up.

  22. RedsMonk65

    That’s OK Sonny. Next 23-inning scoreless streak starts right …. NOW!

  23. VaRedsFan

    scoreless streak over. 23 straight.
    Start a new one.

  24. earmbrister

    Well, that was an easy inning …

  25. JB

    Offense needs to pick it up for once. Sonny could have about 14 , 15 wins if the offense would show up.

    • JB

      The Meter man is definitely sitting tomorrow.

  26. RedsMonk65

    Whew. Got out of that one with minimum damage. Could be it for Gray … He was going great but seemed to suddenly hit a brick wall.

    OK, batters up! Get some hits. Score some runs — you know, where you cross that odd-shaped white thing in front of the catcher and umpire. That — whoever touches it the most wins. Really. Don’t be afraid of it.

    • Eric B

      I think it is a good thing they are occassionally reminded of that.

  27. Seat101

    That’s the second inning in a row that Galvis has hit something on the nose

    • Eric B

      Yea that’s our potential future glove happy shortstop. And I think that 3 digit number with a decimal point they keep showing beside every batter’s name is uh…. uh….you know…. the biggest number on the big screen beside the batter’s picture out in left center field. The one stat everybody in the ballpark understands and appreciates. Oh yea… it’s called the batting average.

  28. earmbrister

    Seems like a month since AA hit a homer. Or 13 ABs

  29. Chris Holbert

    If the defense is basically a wash and they already have Galvis for 5 mil, I believe they should J Iggy walk and give SS to Galvis and 2B to JVM and move forward. When JV comes back, having both Galvis and JIggy will only block a young player depending where JVM plays…

    • Eric B

      Bob can pitch very effectively. He may just be a late (well very late) bloomer on the cusp of his discovering his destiny.

  30. VaRedsFan

    Looks like Iggys hit streak will end too.

  31. Curt

    So then please pray tell Chris Welsh, if you want to see Iglesias and Galvis up the middle next year and JVM is how did you put it, “a lefty in the mix”, where exactly do you see JVM in the mix playing everyday? Not to mention…well, forget it. I guess we’ll find out.

    • RojoBenjy

      “A lefty in the mix?”

      Oh, brother I hope he didn’t hear that from the front office.

    • Seat101

      In his defense he could’ve been talking about catcher or centerfield couldn’t he?

      • earmbrister

        JVM is replacing Wood in the rotation

      • RojoBenjy

        If we’re fortunate, he’ll replace Bell in the dugout 😉

  32. matthew hendley

    SO if Galvis gets to 30 HR is he still glove first.

    Fairly sure that Jose 4 is walking. Everyone is saying the right things behind the scenes but Galvis pushes Jose’s value down. This will be Jose’s last real chance a multi year deal, and I just can’t see him doing it from a financial standpoint.

    The question was asked if DD was HBP by a Pittsburg affiliate. The answer to that is No. 0-4 as the DH. Casialli 1-3 in five innings as catcher (removed after 5). Bowman and Peralta scoreless innings. Jackson Stephens (still holding a 40 man spot) has an ERA that says he doesn’t know what a scoreless inning is.
    Siri a relative monster with his .136 BA

  33. VaRedsFan

    Throw strikes Amir…starting NOW

  34. matthew hendley

    Garrett needs to get up to speed, or Lorenzen needs to save him.

  35. RedsMonk65

    Amir forgot how to throw strikes while he was out.

    • Broseph

      Put it on the Rookie playing out of position and not the veteran known for his glove? Hmmm.

      But I agree, it’s kind of known by any player with baseball sense.

    • VaRedsFan

      He gave full effort, but just lacked a small bit of technique. Foot on the center of the bag, instead of on the outside corner. Every inch counts.

      • earmbrister

        That’s tough to pin on JVM. Yes, a more experienced first baseman might have snatched it. But that throw was 6-7 feet up the line, with little time to react.

      • Pete

        Inexperience, he’ll do better next time. JVM strikes me as a quick study. Sometimes you have to give up the out to save the extra base.

  36. matthew hendley

    Gotta feel for the crowd, the struggle for pizza (the break between K10 and K11) is now 2 plus innings.

    • matthew hendley

      Iggy saves the Pizza’s!!!! Then he saves the Game!!!!

  37. earmbrister

    Terrible throw by Iglesias. JVM had no chance. Lorenzen cleans up two messes.

  38. RedsMonk65

    Finally. Nice game. Do it again tomorrow.

  39. VaRedsFan

    Hard fought win….great pitching prevailed.

  40. Pete

    Great game. In a season, you have to win a ton of these games and we haven’t. Good omen. Excellent pitching and excellent fielding, and one big hit. Winning baseball!!

    • Don

      JVM 2 for 4 with 2 run scored. Manufactured the run in the 1st with Aquino blop single .
      2nd hit on base for Galvis HR which decided game.

      Great pitching by Gray, Bob Steve, Lorenzen and Iglesias. At least Bell took out Garrett before the bases were loaded. You know he has to be upset with himself. He will figure out how to throw strikes again.

      Season series win vs Padres, 1st time since 2012.

      Castillo has to pitch great to bring home a day game win.

      Whom can the club bring up when Winker goes on IL in the morning?

      Bring Detrick back from IL?

      • matthew hendley

        DD still needs a few more days at least.

      • Pete

        I like JVM leading off, he’ll work a walk and steal you a base, also hit the occasional dinger. If Bell could settle on some kind of regular line up it might help. Very impressive win tonight. Early game tomorrow, let’s get ’em.

      • RedsMonk65

        Definitely made the difference. JVM making his case while he has the opportunity.

  41. earmbrister

    The BP has been much better of late. Nice to win one of these 1 run games.

    • Don

      agreed, FO has remade the bullpen since the trade deadline. Will see if they can make good the rest of the year.

  42. Eric B

    The world is a better place when the reds win.

  43. Mark Moore

    Watched the end of the game … yay!!

    Just now read MBE’s write-up … way too funny!!

    It’s a work from home day tomorrow, so you know what will be on the non-work computer in my little office …

    • Mary Beth Ellis

      Thanks Mark! I’d so appreciate it if you came to visit me elsewhere on the web as well 🙂