Hello.

Welcome to the Game Thread.

The nice, peaceful, soothing, absolutely non-threatening Game Thread, which in no way makes you want to ignite yourself or the others around you.

Just a sweet, happy, gently flowing Game Thread.

You could say I’m ignoring what happened last night.

You could say I’m ignoring what happened the night before.

But I’m not, really.

I’m just here, as your friend, to let you know that we’re all going to be juuuuuust fine, Reds fans.

I’m lying, of course.

It’s July and the season is over and we’re going to die someday, you and I.

But you can continue to read this in the calming tones in which I am typing it, because in the space of 48 hours we watched a season of hope turn into the Seinfeld finale tumbling into a failing nuclear reactor.

Also it’s Eugenio Suarez Funko Pop! Collectable Night.

Starting Pitchers

Pitcher ERA WHIP IP SO W L
Luis Castillo 2.41 1.12 112.0 134 9 3
Miles Mikolas 4.15 1.23 108.1 78 6 9

REDS

Our All Star is throwing tonight. But it doesn’t matter.

Nothing matters.

POOPING RED BIRDS

This guy doesn’t matter, either.

Nothing. Matters.

(turns over on floor of room shuttered to block any evidence of the sun)

Starting Lineups

REDS

  1. J Winker (L) CF
  2. J Votto (L) 1B
  3. E Suárez (R) 3B
  4. Y Puig (R) RF
  5. J VanMeter (L) LF
  6. J Peraza (R) 2B
  7. J Iglesias (R) SS
  8. J Graterol (R) C
  9. L Castillo (R) P

POOPING RED BIRDS

  1. T Edman (S) 3B
  2. J Martínez (R) RF
  3. P Goldschmidt (R) 1B
  4. T O’Neill (R) LF
  5. D Fowler (S) CF
  6. M Wieters (S) C
  7. P DeJong (R) SS
  8. K Wong (L) 2B
  9. Miles Mikolas (R) P

News and Notes

Left-handed reliever Amir Garrett and right-handed reliever Raisel Iglesias were both activated today. Right-handed reliever Jimmy Herget was optioned to Triple-A. The fourth move of the day has not yet been announced.

-I go into more detail on Castillo here, in an extremely professional and sports-only fashion.

-Graterol is in as catcher. I guess. Whatever. There is naught but the black void in the end anyway.

-In last night’s Game Thread, one sad soul stayed around after the final out, vainly cheeping towards the sky, seeking solace and stats of good cheer. I had naught to off but a compassionate gaze. But perhaps Jeff Carr will make you want to die .0000000001% less.

-The utter horror that was last night was highlighted by the agonizing irony of Jimmy Buffett party music for the after-game fireworks show. The Reds handed around a bobblehead to commemorate his Thursday concert and, for no apparent reason, the 20th anniversary of the release of his seventh-worst studio album, Off To See the Lizard.  But Jimmy had already left town.

-You know who was at the game last night? My aunt and uncle. You know why? To celebrate their golden wedding anniversary surrounded by their cherished children and grandchildren.

Fifty years of marriage. And then… that.

-And today is the golden anniversary of the Apollo 11 landing. Over four hundred thousand people contributed to this, the greatest achievement in the history of mankind. It took nine years. The world’s tallest rocket lifted three human beings to set foot on the surface of the Moon, then endured a firey return to safely tell the tale, all so that fifty years later, Michael Collins could tweet rocket emojis at Buzz Aldrin.

 

86 Responses

  1. Seat101

    I’m heading off to a cocktail party now. Aint I suave

    But I leave for this party with the full confidence that we will win with Peraza Even if we do have that journey man short stop starting as well.

    • ToBeDetermined

      A cocktail party.
      What is your cocktail of choice ?

  2. jazzmanbbfan

    My nephew is a lifelong Cardinals fan. Today is his birthday. I hope Castillo spoils it, even if he is my favorite nephew.

    • Mary Beth Ellis

      That’s some solid uncleling right there. It worked!

  3. CI3J

    When the front office announced that the Reds were going to be buyers this year, it seems to have had the opposite of the intended effect.

    But you know, I still feel pretty confident the Reds are going to finish with about 79 or 80 wins. Why? They’ve been hovering around 5 games under .500 for pretty much the whole season. Even after they had a bad run in the middle of June to fall to 8 games under .500, they immediately went on a 6 game winning streak to get to just 2 games under .500. Then our Reds, of course, lost the next 4 in a row, then after some strange soup of wins and losses, somehow ended up right back at 5 games under .500 to end the first half.

    Given this weird voodoo they seem to have going this year, I wouldn’t bet against one of their games getting rained out and they just never make it up, so they actually CAN finish 5 games under .500 with a 79-84 record.

    • CI3J

      And you know what? I already started drinking to prepare me for this game, which is why I completely fail at the maths.

      78-83 is my prediction for the final record!

      • George

        I hope you have a CPA do your taxes because the IRS doesn’t have a sense of humor!! 🙂

      • daytonnati

        I’m with you CI … double vodka on the rocks with a bottle of Chardonnay chilling. I might get hurt again like last night, but it won’t “feel” as bad 🙂

  4. Curtis Williams

    Excellent, absolutely spot on! I cant stop reading and laughing, as my heart breaks with the bare truth of it all.

    • Mary Beth Ellis

      thanks 🙂 It’s easier to write when you can just insert kittens ever other paragraph.

  5. Jreis

    Mary Beth for reds fans this will be the night of our lives. The night we turn the season around.

    • George

      Hey, barkeep better cut Jreis off, he is becoming delusional!!

    • Mary Beth Ellis

      I’m holding you to this.

  6. rex

    I’m confused, did the Reds pull off a trade for a bunch of kittens to better their roster?

  7. Preach

    Back again. Thank you, sir, May I have another?

  8. Mark

    Sure bell sit the catcher tonight that had 3 hits including 2 home runs and 6 rbis makes total sense whatever

    • DocProc

      I was just coming here to mention that. How in the world is Lavarnway sitting tonight?

      • Sliotar

        Nothing but pure speculation (that’s what we do here)….

        – It was reported earlier in season that Bell makes out lineups more than a day in advance. He has sat guys in other positions after a big game, so perhaps staying consistent?

        – A kind of “must-win” game. Don’t give Castillo a guy who has never caught him before.

  9. VaRedsFan

    An inning and a half in and we haven’t complained about Angel Hernandez yet.
    That might be a record.

    • Sliotar

      LOL. Give it time.

      He made sure he was on-camera last night during Bell’s tirade defending Suarez.

  10. VaRedsFan

    Sims is in the pen tonight. Mahle tweeked his hamstring last night….not believed to be IL worthy.

    • Preach

      But when the word “tightness” is used, it scares me a little

  11. VaRedsFan

    Anybody noticing that Votto is standing taller at the plate now? No more deep crouch, and no more extreme choke up, even with 2 strikes. I like this look…hopefully he can find success.

  12. Sliotar

    The initials of the park tonight isn’t GABP….it’s GIDP.

    Good thing Castillo is pitching….like a rock.

    • VaRedsFan

      I think that is 5 DP’s thru 4.5 innings

    • ToBeDetermined

      Preach
      You have the power. Just hit the mute button. There really is no reason to put yourself through it.
      Just remember the purring of the kittens.

      • Mary Beth Ellis

        This many kittens should be able to drown out the TV.

  13. VaRedsFan

    Iggy….you won’t see a better catch…WOW

  14. Seat101

    I understand that the journeyman shortstop threw the ball in the right field on a throw to second base

  15. Preach

    Castillo might be out because it’s about 500 degrees.

  16. daytonnati

    Does anybody remember the one MASH episode about the old Korean guy who would fake getting hit by American jeeps? Dietrich reminds me of that guy except he gets hit.

    • Sliotar

      Wow. A blast from the past there. Nice analogy.

      I have a book detailing every MASH episode ever. Might have to dig it up.

    • ToBeDetermined

      daytonn

      Now that you mention it. I think Captain Tuttle and I saw that episode once.

  17. Wayne nabors

    Having to listen to Fox sports Midwest and cards announcers are ecstatic about bell taking castillo out,they are myself not sure what bell doing,but it’s bound to he never st.louis

  18. VaRedsFan

    Puig hits a laser to the gap. Never pitch him low fastballs!

    • ToBeDetermined

      VaReds.

      Ssssh ! be quite. Other teams scouts are reading this thread.

  19. Preach

    And that’s why you don’t bunt, Thom!!!!!

  20. RedsMonk65

    Van Meter! The Youth Movement begins!

  21. RedAlert

    Free VANMETER !!! Boom !! Get this guys stick in the lineup regularly Bell !!!

  22. VaRedsFan

    Steal the base Peraza…get them while they are rattled.

  23. Seat101

    Well that was a sweet swing by JVM. I won’t call him an AAAA outfielder for a week now

  24. Preach

    Guarantees that Van Meter won’t be in the lineup tomorrow

    • Sliotar

      In 1-run game, Cardinals manager tried to cheat a 7th inning from Mikolas, third time through order, including facing Suarez, who was 2 for 2 on night.

      Gamble that failed.

      All hands on deck in bullpen to finish it. Can’t fumble this now.

    • ToBeDetermined

      Preach
      I thought the exact same thing.
      We need to get guy at bats so they can get going.
      But, once they get going they can sit.

      ?

  25. RedsDownUnderer

    This is perhaps why Bell pulled Castillo after 6 IP…

  26. rex

    3 to 1 in the 7th………i’m thinking playoffs again

  27. Seat101

    Barraza does Iglesias a favor by turning that into a sacrifice

  28. Seat101

    I’m putting my money on Lorenzan here

  29. VaRedsFan

    Out of the fire into the frying pan

    • Seat101

      I think it’s the other way around

      • Sliotar

        4 times on base for Suarez.

        I know it’s the perfect scenario for R Iglesias, 9th inning lead, but a run here would really help.

    • ToBeDetermined

      Va

      I like it. Out the fire into the frying pan. Either way it’s going to hurt. LOL

  30. Pete

    Can’t hit it any harder. VanMeter looks like a keeper.

    • VaRedsFan

      It would be great if the could reward him with another start tomorrow.

      • Pete

        I doubt it, hard to tell what goes through David Bell’s mind, also he probably made out tomorrow’s line up two months ago. Bell has done a lot right but I’m holding off on a grade until the end of the season. Might be too rigid, we’ll see.

  31. RedsMonk65

    Three more outs. OK, kitties, get them dirty birds!

    • ToBeDetermined

      RedMonk
      I think that was subtly Mary Beth Ellis being very clever.
      Cats like to catch Birds.
      And typically it doesn’t go well for the Birds when they are caught by those cute little purrrry animals

    • RedsMonk65

      Lorenzen makes me nervous sometimes.

  32. Curt

    Yes, I will gladly accept my credit due for being the originator of the #freetheVanMeter movement back when he was gathering cobwebs on the bench in spring. Y’all know it’s true. So now when it becomes common jargon to hear “Batman & Robin” in reference to #17 & #15, i’ll go ahead and take credit for that one too. Thank you, carry on.

    • Sliotar

      Kudos. Well played.

      When GABP is playing the old Batman 60s TV theme next season, we’ll know who to thank.

      Much needed win.

  33. Colorado Red

    And this one belongs to the Reds, (Finally)

  34. Mike Adams

    The problem with kittens is they turn into cats!

    Don’t know if anyone else thought of this analogy but right now the Reds are kittens when they play the Cardinals.

    Need them to grow up into cats and do what cats do to birds!

  35. daytonnati

    I hate to be “that guy”, but … “This was the look of the Ragamuffin Reds, the outta-nowhere team who shocked the division by winning it.”

    There were no divisions in 1961. Still just two leagues, 8 teams in the National, 10 in the American. NL expansion was in 1962, the Mets and Colt 45s, bringing the number of MLB franchises to 20. I don’t believe there were divisions until 1969? Too lazy to look it up.