Here’s this week’s reminder that Opening Day will, eventually, arrive:
Did you know you can get this shiznit at Kroger’s? For like four dollars, for a box of six?
I am beginning to suspect the price of one at the ballpark is somewhat inflated due to the fact it comes served to you at your seat in a ticketed area with Joey Votto in the background.
We need to have a discussion about the frozen treat aisle and the disintegration of Pudding Pops.
I seem to remember smooth vanilla and/or chocolate-and-vanilla-swirled goodness.
I seem to remember an intoxicating layer of ice that required pre-biting before achieving said goodness.
I seem to remember a dessert that did not smell like just-shorn lumber and crumble like the French in every war ever.
I didn’t even know The Pop had left until I had a tonsillectomy in 1997, and I was left to make do with such tripe as sherbet, Tropical Twists, and Twin Pops. I was so upset that I threw up an entire grape Popsicle Original on the way home from the hospital.
So when I saw that the Pudding Pop had returned, this time under the Popsicle umbrella of icy power, I spent almost four whole entire dollars on a box of twelve, quite sure that the cardboard box was merely a container, and not meant as a pre-flavoring agent. And… and… the Pudding Pops, they’re, like, really small now, and square, and mushy, and they made me cry.
Maybe they always sucked and I was simply naive about the whole thing. Then again, I also used to subsist almost entirely on fake Pez, post-Halloween, and thought nothing of it.
Once I attempted to make my own, a complicated time-consuming nightmare involving ice cube trays, and I bailed on the whole thing because it was just taking up my ice trays, which are better reserved for the vital work of cubes to keep my scotch frosty.
I try to stay away from the frozen novelty aisle because I will just buy something and then eat it. But now I’m nursing a sore throat from a three-hour choir rehearsal, and like all high-octane athletes, I was in search of frozen Twix.
What I got instead was an education. Did you know that Italian Ice now comes in these flavors? Why is this being kept from us, Reds?
We need answers. I don’t care about the shortstop position anymore. I want my blue raspberry frozen ice for $89.95.