Today is the first game of three against the Brewers (39-36) who, let’s face it, celebrate great achievements by sending a giant foam human down a slide, but then the Reds (34-37) must bear the burden of Gapper, so let’s not discuss it any further.
MARTY BRENNAMAN IS ALL IN ON WISHING THOM A HAPPY BIRTHDAY
This photo of Thom and his sister Dawn showed up on Marty’s Instagram account today. Apparently Marty has discovered scanners and now no one is safe.
|1. Jonathan Villar (SS)
2. Scooter Gennett (2B)
3. Ryan Braun (LF)
4. Hernan Perez (3B)
5. Chris Carter (1B)
6. Keon Broxton (CF)
7. Domingo Santana (RF)
8. Martin Maldonado (C)
9. Wily Peralta (P)
|1. Jose Peraza (SS)
2. Eugenio Suarez (3B)
3. Joey Votto (1B)
4. Adam Duvall (LF)
5. Brandon Phillips (2B)
6. Scott Schebler (RF)
7. Tyler Holt (CF)
8. Tucker Barnhart (C)
9. Keyvius Sampson (P)
THINGS THAT MAKE ME FEEL OLD
I teach college, which means I spend 95% of my time technically troubleshooting the virtual classroom for students (“You need to click on the link on the far left column, the one that says ‘Technical Support,’ and tell me what they say”) and the remaining 5% plowing through essays.
There was just no preparation for spending large chunks of time with student writing, the large majority of which begins with the words “In society today…” When Jeremy Clarkson and I come to power, “In society today…” will be legally replaced with “According to Whitesnake…”
Background distraction helps, which I mostly find via Netflix. I currently have 52 students and am working my way through the entirety of Friends. What’s happening with Friends is that it has slid into that moment of history I keep mentioning– ephemera– history which doesn’t even know it’s history. It’s just being everyday life. And it’s disturbing because none of this was at all upsetting the first time I saw these episodes. Let me tell you what’s going on at Central Perk in this episode:
-Phoebe’s hair was styled using a Topsy Tail
-Ross has a new beeper and would also like to invite everyone to a “laserdisk marathon”
-Rachel is wearing a Y-necklace
-Monica’s wire band headphones end in giant foam circles
-Chandler’s huge beige desktop computer has the tropical fish screen saver
Friends. I’m telling you. It’s worse than a funeral home ad staring back at you from the Kroger cart.
|ERA||IP||SO||WHIP||DOES HE AGREE ROSS AND RACHEL WERE ON A BREAK?|
|Keyvius Sampson||3.90||32.1||33||1.55||Could they have BEEN any more on a break?!|
|Wily Peralta||5.47||103.2||75||1.59||I know!|
Simon is on the DL, so here come Matt Magill and Abel De Los Santos.
A THING FROM TWITTER
This is the most important event in the history of professional baseball.
I have a new mouse. The last one was surrendered to the depths of Concourse B of the Dallas-Ft. Worth Airport while I was frantically finishing a game thread which I wasn’t actually assigned to do. The grip is a lot more ergonomic. Can you tell?