You know yesterday’s Game Thread, which was virtually nonexistent?  That was me. That was me attempting to adult and, like the time I ate icing for breakfast, once again failing. Thanks to Chad Dotson for stepping into the breach once he probably looked at the uploaded images for the day, saw that they were all appropriately baseball-related, and realized the blonde had struck again.

Anyway. Second of four between the Reds (52-60) and the Dodgers (67-54).


This looks… different from the one we had on Opening Day, does it not? Jose Peraza up, Keyvius Sampson down.

1. Billy Hamilton (CF)
2. Jose Peraza (SS)
3. Joey Votto (1B)
4. Adam Duvall (LF)
5. Brandon Phillips (2B)
6. Scott Schebler (RF)
7. Eugenio Suarez (3B)
8. Ramon Cabrera (C)
9. Brandon Finnegan (P)
1. Howie Kendrick (LF)
2. Kika Hernandez (2B)
3. Adrian Gonzalez (1B)
4. Justin Turner (3B)
5. Rob Segedin (RF)
6. Joc Pederson (CF)
7. A.J. Ellis (C)
8. Chris Taylor (SS)
9. Brett Anderson (P)


Brett Anderson 45.00 1.00 0 6.00 Yes
Brandon Finnegan 4.54 134.2 98 1.42 Nah, he’s the normal hero’s goofy sidekick

People, the opposing pitcher has an ERA greater than my age and his WHIP outstrips your valedictorian’s GPA . This one could be a bullpen-overcomer.


As a human being, you never want to see another human being in pain (okay, unless it’s a person who’s simultaneously a Steelers and also a Cardinals fan; we can all agree those guys can be the rooftop welcoming party from Independence Day).But it’s especially difficult when the suffering person is a nice guy. I was particularly sad to hear that Michael Lorenzen was placed on bereavement leave upon the passing of his father, because Michael Lorenzen is a nice guy.

I was nephew-escorting during Reds Day at Kings Island last month, and the last question during a panel Q and A consisted of a small child asking the Reds, these Reds, these epicly, MLB-record basement-dwelling Reds, if any of them had ever lost a baseball game.

The entire Festhaus went silent. You could hear the tourists adding cellulite in the funnel cake line. Every single adult wished himself standing in line at the Beast for an hour and a half between their ex and their grade school principal because this would be less awkward. And Michael Lorenzen said, “Well, we all have. But the important thing is to try again the next day. That’s the good part about baseball. You get another chance.”

Go forth and be a nice guy, Redleg Nation.

2016-07-21 14.37.07TODAY’S YOU ARE OLD STAT

This year’s incoming high school freshmen will be the first to learn of the terrorist attacks on September 11, 2001 as an historical event:  It all happened before they were born.


I have a giant crush on this ephemeric history-now photo of members of Ohio State’s marching band linking up. View it well, for someday it will be the 2016 equivalent of this:



I was bitterly disappointed to learn last night that Jamaica’s national anthem does not have any reggae in it at all.


About The Author

Proud aunt Mary Beth Ellis is a freelance writer and college teacher who lives in Cincinnati, OH. Her home site,, has existed in at least some form since 2003, and Mary Beth has been a regular columnist with one publication or another from the age of 16. Her first book, Drink to the Lasses, was published in 2006. She currently teaches college, runs personal wine tastings, gives literary readings, and stares into the middle distance.

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82 Responses

  1. DHud

    Peraza called up AND put in the lineup!?

    Be still, my beating heart

  2. B-town Fan

    The first three names in tonight’s batting order could be a fixture for years to come.

  3. ohiojimw

    If Keyvius Sampson went straight to Louisville, he may be a busy man soon. R.Stephenson has allowed 5 runs so far in the top of the 1st and recorded only 1 out.

    • ohiojimw

      The bleeding in Louisville has stopped at least temporarily. In the 1st RS allows 5R, (all earned), 5H, 2BB, 1K, 1HR. 40P/22S.

      • ohiojimw

        oops I didn’t have my glasses on or the screen turned up to 125%. RS allowed “only” 3 hits but the rest of the sad story is true.

  4. musicclown

    Stephenson gives up 5 runs in the first inning today against Indy. Who does he think he is Reed?

  5. DHud

    Thats the potential of this lineup and that’s an exciting 1 through 4

  6. earmbrister

    Hey, look at the LAD lineup. They have Hernandez, whose batting .195, batting second.

    Price isn’t stupid, he’s a trend setter.

    • vegastypo

      I complain about Price to a media friend of mine, and he typically will say, “There’s a whole lot of bad managers out there.” As in, good luck finding the one who will do things a better way.

  7. Indy RedMan

    Happiness is going to your online sportsbook and finding your fav red-hot team facing a pitcher with a 45.00 era as a +143 underdog!!! So far so good….hopefully not famous last words but should have Iggy tonite if need be!!

    • earmbrister

      Very good. And happiness for me is the wife being away while the Reds are the free game of the day on MLB. And continuing to play good baseball.

  8. earmbrister

    Speaking of minor league ball, Dayton is in for Anderson.


    • Mary Beth Ellis

      Let Dayton have some fun. It can’t be easy having I-75 as your only path out of town.

      • MrRed

        Especially if you’ve seen what I-75 looks like going there. Yikes!

      • TR

        Let’s go easy on Dayton, home of Wilbur and Orville Wright who invented motorized flight at their bicycle shop on Hawthorne Street and were the first to succeed in flight. Dayton, before the digital revolution, had more patents than any other city in the U.S. based on population. Dayton takes a back seat to no one.

      • Chuck Schick

        The Spanish Armada was once really something. The University of Chicago was a great football power. The dead people of Dayton achieved more than the dead people of some other places. Nice work.

  9. earmbrister

    So much for all of the people who swore Peraza was a slap hitter …

  10. preacherj

    Dont know anything about this Peraza guy but he may be able to play a little……

  11. DHud

    Bryan Price is watching Peraza and thinking “I can’t handle this. He needs to go to the bench immediately”

  12. james garrett

    Let him play,let him play don’t hold him back any more.No power but remember the bomb he hit in San Diego then was sent down the next day.Let him play.

  13. Scotlykins

    Peraza seems to be making s statement !!!!!

  14. gusnwally

    Field level seats 35.00 no way, Ball Park beer 10.00 not me, Joey Votto 20 million per, I get it. Mary Beth’s humor PRICELESS.

    • earmbrister

      Is she one of the Schott sisters?

      • Mary Beth Ellis

        She is not. She would not be working five jobs at once if she were.

    • Mary Beth Ellis

      *copy+paste, send to boss*


  15. DHud

    Thom just drives me insane. He’s just obsessed over “what that thing was” that Chisenhall was holding in the replay from last night.

    It’s a stupid cup holder from on top of a water jug. You put it on top of the water cooler, fill up a bunch of cups, and put the cups in the holder.

    How have you literally spent everyday for years inside a ballpark and have never seen one of those before?

    On a different note, who really cares, Thom?

    • Mary Beth Ellis

      From my mother, an authority on bad announcing:
      “I think Thom is even worse since he came back. It’s like he was saving up.”

      • msanmoore

        And another +25 for you on that one.

      • Mary Beth Ellis

        I’ll transfer the points to my mom’s account.

      • msanmoore

        Well, keep a 20% cut for yourself.

  16. Earl Nash

    They haven’t been in the same division for decades, but pounding the heck out of the Dodgers is still really, really fun.

    • msanmoore

      My fanship goes back far enough to remember that. I completely agree.

      • Earl Nash

        The Dodgers were the Reds arch nemesis. They were the first team I just loathed. Garvey was such a smug creep.

    • earmbrister

      Yeah. I’m old enough to remember the Reds being the “West”, along with that other western team: Atlanta.

      I hated the Dodgers.

      • MrRed

        Was just about to post the same thought. Atlanta and Cincy in the West but St. Louis and Chicago were in the East. Makes perfect sense.

  17. MrRed

    Did I just hear correctly that Finnegan has pitched 6 no hit innings?

    If so, hope I didn’t jinx anything.

    • earmbrister

      The announcers have been annoyingly been talking about it for an inning and a half.

      • MrRed

        I hadn’t been paying much attention to them until that remark. Good for Finnegan. I won’t mention it again. At least until it’s all said and done.

      • DHud

        I am 10000% convince tonight is the first time in his life Thom had experienced a baseball game

      • MrRed

        I just think he brings that sense of wonderment and vigor to every broadcast. A true professional he is.

      • Gaffer

        If you mean by wonderment, cluelessness then I agree.

      • MrRed

        Just when they thought they had a grasp on 1st place. Ha ha.

  18. Steve Mancuso

    Finnegan at 81 pitches through 6 innings. How many pitches would you let him throw to get the no-hitter? 130? His PPI tonight would put him at 131 through 9. Most he’s thrown this year is 111, twice.

    • MrRed

      Yeah, seems reckless especially in the context of the amount of innings he’s thrown this year. I’d take a combined no-hitter with contribution from the bullpen though.

    • msanmoore

      And it doesn’t matter now. Sad for him, but kind of glad that now he can get to a reasonable count and then we bring in the fresh arms. Nice night for him in any case.

  19. DHud

    That’s why you don’t talk about the no-no!

  20. msanmoore

    And a rain delay. By the looks of what I saw before they stopped play, we may be done for the night. I’ll take that win any day.

    • I-71_Exile

      The steady rain that we’ve had all day here in Louisville has now reached GABP. Settle in boys.

      • msanmoore

        Yeah … it looked like it was coming down hard and fast.

  21. james garrett

    Call it and let everybody go home.Reds up 8-0 and they have 6 outs left which means its over even for our pen.

  22. Kal

    Lorenzen’s HR last night in that situation and his reaction in the dugout choked me up and I rarely cry. Things like that just get to me

    Absolutely agree on steeler/cardinal fans. (not capitalized on purpose).

    I was salutatorian so Anderson’s WHIP is WAY higher than my GPA. 🙁

    Votto is my favorite Reds’ hitter to watch that I’ve ever seen. I’ve followed the Reds since 1970 when I was five. (I wouldn’t leave the room for Bench, Foster, Pete, and Eric the Red either).

    • Mary Beth Ellis

      ONLY salutatorian? (scoff)
      We have higher standards round these parts.

      • Kal

        I know. I bring shame to Redleg Nation and lower the overall IQ level of the site. I am unworthy.
        (I was actually trying for 3rd place so I wouldn’t have to make a speech at graduation, and I failed at that too. I suck. There’s no question.) 😉

  23. earmbrister

    Mary Beth —

    My apologies for not reading your intro. I was late to the game start and was belatedly trying to feed 3 kids, as only a guy on his own can do (the Reds game kinda/definitely took priority. As in here is a well rounded meal, but there’s no time for dessert, it’s late).

    Great intro: I have not seen your stylings before, but I am a convert. Your mother must be quite proud.

    Go Reds.

    • Mary Beth Ellis

      I thank you, and will let it go just this once. I think my mom is proud of the Reds fans she and my late father raised. Although my godson is not permitted to read much of what I write– in his words, “Aunt Beth, did you write something inappropriate?” Pretty much everything, little man.

      • Mary Beth Ellis

        12 and becoming uttery incomprehensible to me. Way too old, way too smart, way too fast!

      • earmbrister

        I have one double digits, and a 9 yr old. And one of them had a 10 yr old friend sleep over tonight.

      • earmbrister

        Yeah, my oldest is 11, and him and his sister have been way too smart, for way too many years. Particularly the younger sister.

        However, he was raised right: he’s a true Reds fan, here in the heart of Reds country: Central Connecticut.

  24. msanmoore

    OK, I’m thinking we’re safe. Good night all.

  25. Mary Beth Ellis

    Dude named “German” is currently diving for Mexico.

  26. earmbrister

    The Reds.

    You can’t stop them.

    You can only try to slow them down.