You know yesterday’s Game Thread, which was virtually nonexistent? That was me. That was me attempting to adult and, like the time I ate icing for breakfast, once again failing. Thanks to Chad Dotson for stepping into the breach once he probably looked at the uploaded images for the day, saw that they were all appropriately baseball-related, and realized the blonde had struck again.
Anyway. Second of four between the Reds (52-60) and the Dodgers (67-54).
This looks… different from the one we had on Opening Day, does it not? Jose Peraza up, Keyvius Sampson down.
|1. Billy Hamilton (CF)
2. Jose Peraza (SS)
3. Joey Votto (1B)
4. Adam Duvall (LF)
5. Brandon Phillips (2B)
6. Scott Schebler (RF)
7. Eugenio Suarez (3B)
8. Ramon Cabrera (C)
9. Brandon Finnegan (P)
|1. Howie Kendrick (LF)
2. Kika Hernandez (2B)
3. Adrian Gonzalez (1B)
4. Justin Turner (3B)
5. Rob Segedin (RF)
6. Joc Pederson (CF)
7. A.J. Ellis (C)
8. Chris Taylor (SS)
9. Brett Anderson (P)
|ERA||IP||SO||WHIP||NAME SOUNDS LIKE THE PREPPY BAD GUY IN AN 80s MOVIE?|
|Brandon Finnegan||4.54||134.2||98||1.42||Nah, he’s the normal hero’s goofy sidekick|
People, the opposing pitcher has an ERA greater than my age and his WHIP outstrips your valedictorian’s GPA . This one could be a bullpen-overcomer.
MICHAEL LORENZEN IS A NICE GUY AND ALSO MY BESTIE WHO ONCE LIKED ONE OF MY TWEETS AND I’M REALLY HAPPY ABOUT HIS 3-RUN HOMER LAST NIGHT
As a human being, you never want to see another human being in pain (okay, unless it’s a person who’s simultaneously a Steelers and also a Cardinals fan; we can all agree those guys can be the rooftop welcoming party from Independence Day).But it’s especially difficult when the suffering person is a nice guy. I was particularly sad to hear that Michael Lorenzen was placed on bereavement leave upon the passing of his father, because Michael Lorenzen is a nice guy.
I was nephew-escorting during Reds Day at Kings Island last month, and the last question during a panel Q and A consisted of a small child asking the Reds, these Reds, these epicly, MLB-record basement-dwelling Reds, if any of them had ever lost a baseball game.
The entire Festhaus went silent. You could hear the tourists adding cellulite in the funnel cake line. Every single adult wished himself standing in line at the Beast for an hour and a half between their ex and their grade school principal because this would be less awkward. And Michael Lorenzen said, “Well, we all have. But the important thing is to try again the next day. That’s the good part about baseball. You get another chance.”
Go forth and be a nice guy, Redleg Nation.
TODAY’S YOU ARE OLD STAT
This year’s incoming high school freshmen will be the first to learn of the terrorist attacks on September 11, 2001 as an historical event: It all happened before they were born.
A THING FROM TWITTER
— The Tail 🇺🇸 (@TheTRowTail) August 16, 2016
I have a giant crush on this ephemeric history-now photo of members of Ohio State’s marching band linking up. View it well, for someday it will be the 2016 equivalent of this:
I was bitterly disappointed to learn last night that Jamaica’s national anthem does not have any reggae in it at all.
Proud aunt Mary Beth Ellis is a freelance writer and college teacher who lives in Cincinnati, OH. Her home site, BlondeChampagne.com, has existed in at least some form since 2003, and Mary Beth has been a regular columnist with one publication or another from the age of 16. Her first book, Drink to the Lasses, was published in 2006. She currently teaches college, runs personal wine tastings, gives literary readings, and stares into the middle distance.