First game of three against the Brewers, who promote a problematic anti-woman culture by staging races between giant sausages in their own stadium.
Also Jay Bruce is currently 6 for 35 since being banished to raise his infant child in the horrors of New York City. This is what happens when you leave Ohio.
THIS GUY THINKS HE’S FOUND THE WORST THING ABOUT THE REDS
But you’re close.
|1. Billy Hamilton (CF)
2. Zack Cozart (SS)
3. Joey Votto (1B)
4. Adam Duvall (LF)
5. Brandon Phillips (2B)
6. Scott Schebler (RF)
7. Eugenio Suarez (3B)
8. Tucker Barnhart (C)
9. Homer Bailey (P)
| 1. Jonathan Villar (3B)
2. Orlando Arcia (SS)
3. Ryan Braun (LF)
4. Scooter Gennett (2B)
5. Chris Carter (1B)
6. Hernan Perez (RF)
7. Kirk Nieuwenhuis (CF)
8. Martin Maldonado (C)
9. Jimmy Nelson (P)
|ERA||IP||SO||WHIP||NAMED LIKE HE JUST FELL OUT OF A SITCOM WHICH PREMEIRED IN 1954?|
|Homer Bailey||7.27||8.2||10||1.85||No, but still unfortunate|
HOW THINGS ARE GOING
I started to link the stats for Jimmy Nelson and had to look up which team he’s on, approximately 45 seconds after typing the fact that the Reds are playing the Brewers. How are YOU?
TELL ME I’M A DUMB BLONDE IN PERSON
Actually don’t because I’ll cry and my husband will hit you. But Redleg Nation is teaming with Red Reporter for a meetup at GABP on Saturday, September 3. For real, Josh The Pilot will be there because it’s a bobblehead night, so I’m automatically assuming people will try to follow me to the ladies room in a vain attempt to score a Mr. Redlegs giveaway from 2014.
A MORE IMMEDIATE CHANCE TO TELL ME I’M A DUMB BLONDE IN PERSON
Tomorrow at Lunken Airport for Cincinnati Museum Center’s 1940’s Day. This time you’ll have to tell it to my high heels, plus my husband won’t be there, so I like your chances of getting away with it. I’m running a table for my troops/veterans support group, Queen City Victory Dames. Super cool event! Airplanes included!
The Reds won a World Series in 1940, as we all know, so check out the footage of how the fans are dressed for the ball park in this clip. No yoga pants. Not one airbrushed tank top. Boys, I want to see you there with a non-baseball related hat to celebrate. Fedoras appreciated.
A THING FROM TWITTER
No matter how this game goes, take comfort in the fact that at least you do not have to jump from a great height into this pool.
The Olympic diving pool has been closed again because of water quality issues…a German diver says "the whole building smells like a fart"
— Tom Steinfort (@tomsteinfort) August 12, 2016
People laughed when Cincinnati tried to make an Olympic bid, but I guarantee you we wouldn’t have presented the world a flatulent pool.
I do not think the Anderson Ferry has updated its Happy Passenger Wearing Life Vest photo as of late.
ABOVE ALL–BE SURE TO REMAIN CALM.
Proud aunt Mary Beth Ellis is a freelance writer and college teacher who lives in Cincinnati, OH. Her home site, BlondeChampagne.com, has existed in at least some form since 2003, and Mary Beth has been a regular columnist with one publication or another from the age of 16. Her first book, Drink to the Lasses, was published in 2006. She currently teaches college, runs personal wine tastings, gives literary readings, and stares into the middle distance.