In the tradition of yesterday’s great triumph of human athleticism, let’s celebrate by being even further in last place (30-53) and re-playing the NL Central leaders (52-29.) Two of three.
THE MAN WITH THE SEVEN-DIP ICE CREAM CONE
Certain Rumblings on Twitter against Jeff Brantley have begun to surface, accusing him of a Marty-like dim view of Joey Votto. I am not a fan of a Marty-like dim view of Votto, but it’s not enough to turn me against the Cowboy.
Cowboy doesn’t get enough credit in this town. He had the impossible job of taking over for a homegrown icon, and he stepped into it as easily as possible. He could never be Joe, and, wisely, he knew it. So he was just himself, and that is more than enough.
Maybe I took to Brantley it’s because I passed the last decade out of town and rarely got to watch the game, but $19.00 a year to MLB.com saw to it that I could at least hear it and be mentally home for three hours. The slow transition to Brantley was taking place about this time, and I don’t recall feeling traumatized by the inevitable. You can miss Nuxy and still appreciate a fine explanation of why Cowboy feels he must choose trivia answer A instead of C.
He doesn’t take himself or his trivia answers too seriously, he allows the game to breathe, and his pitcher’s insight is valuable to fans like me who last successfully threw something at a target by holding a tea bag directly over a trash can and gingerly letting go of the string. The other day, for example, Brantley pointed out that one of the reasons minor league pitchers can’t magically bounce of Louisville throwing strikes is that they need to learn how big league batters use the velocity of their own pitches against them. That was useful and interesting. Let’s love us some useful and interesting, fanbase.
THE GREATEST THING MY SISTER EVER SAID ABOUT COWBOY AND/OR SEAN CASEY
“I hope they never broadcast a game together. You would have no idea what was going on because it would be nine innings about food.”
|1. Zack Cozart (SS)
2. Billy Hamilton (CF)
3. Joey Votto (1B)
4. Jay Bruce (RF)
5. Adam Duvall (LF)
6. Brandon Phillips (2B)
7. Eugenio Suarez (3B)
8. Ramon Cabrera (C)
9. Brandon Finnegan (P)
|1. Ben Zobrist (RF)
2. Kris Bryant (3B)
3. Anthony Rizzo (1B)
4. Willson Contreras (LF)
5. Addison Russell (SS)
6. Jason Heyward (CF)
7. David Ross (C)
8. John Lackey (P)
9. Javier Baez (2B)
I have just dedicated the past twenty swear-filled minutes of my life deleting, copying, and restructuring, trying to get this stupid graph and the bizarre spacing of this post to bend to my angry will. Fill in the incorrect blanks yourselves.
|John Lackey||3.27||104.2||107||1.04||ES CALIENTE?: I mean, he’s tall, I guess.|
|Brandon Finnegan||4.48||96.1||69||1.39||ES CALIENTE? No one on this team is caliente.|
A THING FROM TWITTER
Proud aunt Mary Beth Ellis is a freelance writer and college teacher who lives in Cincinnati, OH. Her home site, BlondeChampagne.com, has existed in at least some form since 2003, and Mary Beth has been a regular columnist with one publication or another from the age of 16. Her first book, Drink to the Lasses, was published in 2006. She currently teaches college, runs personal wine tastings, gives literary readings, and stares into the middle distance.