Disco Night at GABP. Tonight the Reds (22-38) begin a three-game series against the Athletics (25-24). We could call this a rematch of the 1990 World Series, only it’s June and both teams are terrible and we don’t have Rickey Henderson to kick around anymore. I’ll try to hold it to one Jose Canseco reference per game.
In any case, welcome back to a world in which two losses in a three-game series to the Cardinals is fairly universally described as “not as bad as I thought it was going to be.”
On the upside, for the next week we get the likes of this hilarious injury shorthand from CBS Sports:
They can’t just put “concussion”? It sounds like he was decapitated or something.
|1. Zack Cozart (SS)
2. Joey Votto (1B)
3. Brandon Phillips (2B)
4. Jay Bruce (RF)
5. Adam Duvall (LF)
6. Eugenio Suarez (3B)
7. Tyler Holt (CF)
8. Tucker Barnhart (C)
9. Anthony DeSclafani (P)
|1. Coco Crisp (CF)
2. Jed Lowrie (2B)
3. Stephen Vogt (C)
4. Danny Valencia (3B)
5. Khris Davis (LF)
6. Yonder Alonso (1B)
7. Marcus Semien (SS)
8. Max Muncy (RF)
9. Sonny Gray (P)
LAST NIGHT’S BIG NEWS
As we all know, the big news out of last night was the fact that Bark in the Park went down, which meant Fox Sports Ohio viewers were treated to several images of dogs staring contemptuously at Matt Holliday. I was always a big fan of Bark in the Park when I worked at the Hall of Fame the past couple of years, because when the inevitable rain delay arrived, everyone was treated to a losing game that also smelled like wet dog.
Meanwhile, across the state, a heroic rescue was taking place in Cleveland. You sometimes hear of dogs attacking intruders or alerting owners to medical emergencies. This is better.
My friend and partner in laughing at stuff, Stephanie Liscio of It’s Pronounced Lajaway (always worth a read), was watching the Indians-Angels game when her shih tzu, Torrey, began ordering her to bed. Stephanie patiently explained, because dogs understand this kind of thing, that she would not sleep until the game was over.
Torrey realized her duty to her mistress, and was prepared to sacrifice herself to rescue Stephanie from further exposure to the Indians.
I need to get a dog.
|PITCHER||ERA||IP||SO||WHIP||WOULD HIS DOG ATTEMPT TO RESCUE HIM FROM THIS TEAM?|
|4.38||217.2||177||1.35||With our luck, he’d get attacked by a rabid chinchilla instead.|
|3.16||544.0||465||1.18||Not if it’s a California dog. Can’t trust a California dog.|
A THING FROM TWITTER
Your 2016 pitching staff, Reds fans.
Although when a Red busts one out, we should probably refer to this look as “The Marge,” because wow wouldn’t she have loved this.
I hate what’s happened to this team over the past couple of weeks– you know, the whole tending-to-bat, sometimes-hold-a-lead thing–because it’s just cruel. I’d recently reached a place where I became zen about losing and appreciated baseball for baseball’s sake, and now it’s like they’re trying, and that gives me hope. Which leads to caring, which leads to disappointment, which leads to comfort eating.
I’m going to be one of those people the fire department can only get out of the house with a broken-down wall and an industrial crane and it’s all this bullpen’s fault.