Welcome to your 100% gorilla mention-free game thread. Tonight’s game three of the Reds (17-35) against the Rockies (24-28) starts at 8:40 PM.

BP is out with an owie ankle. It is, in the stirring words of Bryan Price, “not better enough.”


This past Halloween, I saw a kid dressed as Donald Trump. I thought, “Cute kid! That’s funny!” And then I thought, with deepening horror,  “One year from tonight, this election still will not be over, and we will have to pay attention to these people for a very long time.” But at this time on Halloween, the Reds season will be over. That’s… comforting, isn’t it?

Be safe out there as we muddle through together.



“He looks like he just got thrown out of a Cheviot bar fight.”


John Lamb  6.85 23.2  14  1.82 Possibly
Tyler Chatwood  2.69 63.2  39 1.15 Too Tyler-y looking


1. Zack Cozart (SS)
2. Billy Hamilton (CF)
3. Joey Votto (1B)
4. Adam Duvall (LF)
5. Jay Bruce (RF)
6. Eugenio Suarez (3B)
7. Ivan De Jesus (2B)
8. Ramon Cabrera (C)
9. John Lamb (P)
1. Charlie Blackmon (CF)
2. DJ LeMahieu (2B)
3. Nolan Arenado (3B)
4. Carlos Gonzalez (RF)
5. Ryan Raburn (LF)
6. Mark Reynolds (1B)
7. Trevor Story (SS)
8. Dustin Garneau (C)
9. Tyler Chatwood (P)


Today’s tweet is brought to you by Marlon Byrd’s fantastic self-awareness.


You may have noticed that the Reds are in last place by several parsecs. However, let’s pause to quietly remember the sacrifice of Marlon Byrd, who waited until he was a member of the Indians for his second positive drug test.  In times such as these, my friends, always and forever remember that there is always Cleveland to point and laugh at. Always. That is its role in this great world of ours. We owe it a tremendous debt of gratitude.

I salute you, Cleveland.

About The Author

Proud aunt Mary Beth Ellis is a freelance writer and college teacher who lives in Cincinnati, OH. Her home site, BlondeChampagne.com, has existed in at least some form since 2003, and Mary Beth has been a regular columnist with one publication or another from the age of 16. Her first book, Drink to the Lasses, was published in 2006. She currently teaches college, runs personal wine tastings, gives literary readings, and stares into the middle distance.

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22 Responses

  1. ohiojimw

    Some chatter on Twitter today about the Reds pitching situation.

    Mark Sheldon (@m_sheldon) reported that B.Price confirmed that Michael Lorenzen is being prepped as a reliever.

    C.Trent (@ctrent) reported that Iggy will throw a 40 pitch bullpen tomorrow (Thursday)

  2. cfd3000

    Possibly the most entertaining pregame write up this year. Thanks for the laughs Mary Beth. I’m determined to enjoy the game even if John Lamb is as awful as I expect him to be – like bringing a blow torch to a gasoline fight. Or as Pete said, like walking through hell in a gasoline suit. Go Reds!

  3. Mary Beth Ellis

    Thank you… I like to think of myself as a healing artist in these save situations.

  4. Patrick Jeter

    Rockies broadcasters were just trying to explain WAR and they almost got it right. Somewhat impressive.

  5. George

    I was on the road last night in VT. Checked local news and saw the score. A wise person wrote earlier this week in the game thread lead in about hiding the children for this visit to Denver. Need to get his lottery picks!
    Having been born and raised a Wash. Senator fan, Bloodshed, like last night, was the norm when the Yankees came to visit. In some instances “Genghis Khan” would have been more merciful.
    The part that I believe many are missing is that in 3-4 years even the so called saviors that are coming, won’t be here as regulars. Baseball is a funny game.

  6. Patrick Jeter

    Oh, Mary Beth, I forgot to ask… how long does it take Billy Hamilton to complete the Kessel Run? 😉

  7. Mary Beth Ellis

    Han Solo did it in less than twelve, so probably like 6 for Billy. Han had a Wookie to tow around.

  8. Jeff

    I enjoy your pregame write ups also. Keep up the good work.

    • Mary Beth Ellis

      Thanks so much! One more tomorrow, then I’ll be back for the series against the A’s. All kinds of Jose Canseco going on.

  9. Chuck Schick

    It bothers me when guys get caught with PED’s who suck. It’s like stealing $10 and some pens from a bank.

  10. Indy RedMan

    Lamb looks great tonite!! It could be that they’re tired from circling the bases non-stop last night but he’s getting ahead with the slider and change and then jamming a lot of them on fastballs w/2 strikes! Best game from a Reds pitcher in a while!!

    • Patrick Jeter

      Heck yeah. I’ll definitely take this from Lamb. Best thing about the start, I think, is only 1 walk in 7 innings.

  11. Jeff

    I wonder if there were two outs if Billy could go 2nd to home on a double steal without an error. I mean if he committed to it right from the start.

    • Chuck Schick

      Or the squeeze from 2nd like Willie Mays Hayes

  12. TR

    What a difference a day makes. Lamb and Hamilton get it done.

  13. vegastypo

    Missed the game, but loved the game thread intro. Regarding this: “He looks like he just got thrown out of a Cheviot bar fight.” ……..

    …….I must ask. You do remember that he had a black eye last year, right? That had to come from somewhere!!!