Humor

This Isn’t the Site You’re Looking For

If you have ever run a blog, you know that webspace providers usually have a fairly comprehensive behind-the-scenes analytics breakdown. For example, on the new Redleg Nation, we can see what time people are visiting our site, what country they are from, what websites sent them here, etc.

Redleg Nation is the largest Reds blog and receives about 10,000 hits a day. Some of those are from webcrawlers, some are from lurkers, and some are from our regular viewers. Some, however, never intended to show up here in the first place.

How do we know this? Search engines tell us the search terms people punched in that eventually led them to Redleg Nation. This means that if you are feeling lazy and decide to type in “Miley Cyrus wrecking ball video and Redlegnation” in an attempt to down two birds with one stone, we will know. Here, I’ll save you the trouble and just give you the link for that video.

It’s Star Wars Day, and in honor of the famous line, “These aren’t the droids you’re looking for”, I have rigorously analyzed our analytics and have compiled some of the most interesting ways to end up at Redleg Nation (OK, I’m joking about this, I spent about five minutes; the number of hilarious and unusual entries is almost limitless). With a little bit of luck, we might be able to decode why our internet friends visited our site.

Category 1: It’s late and this is a typo:

red;egnation.com
red leg natiion
reds blig
redlegnation.colm

I sympathize with all of these. We have all had moments in our lives when we hit the Google button just a bit too quickly. I also think this is proof that John Fay reads RLN.

Category 2: A bit strange, but it might actually be on our site:

joey votto hobbies or interest outside of baseballYou shouldn’t be shocked to know that Joey Votto reads quite a bit. He also has a dog and plays video games.

todd frazier baby name - Blake Brian Frazier

cowbell sound at citi ball parkActually, its Tropicana field. The Rays fans ring cowbells during the playoffs. Which is totally illogical. Tampa isn’t exactly the bovine capital of the United States, in fact, it’s doubtful that you can find cows anywhere but in restaurants in Tampa. So why the cowbell? Because sometimes you need More Cowbell. Apparently Stewart Sternberg loved the SNL skit so much he had their entertainment director play that scene at the stadium. Pretty soon fans started showing up with cowbells. If you build it, they will come. 

joey votto shoe sizeHe wears a size 13 Nike Air MVP Pro and alternates between metal and plastic spikes. 

did billy hamilton run track? I can’t believe someone had to google this. 

george grande announce reds games? The best part about this is that its a question.

Category 3: Probably confused, definitely disappointed.

texas themed pullover - Here ya go.

dr.chirstopher garber uk neurologistI dont think our Chris Garber is what this person was looking for. Although it appears the Chris Garber that resides in the UK has a perfect rating from his patients (and donates to the Institute for Neuroscience).

five sixths of pizza left logo of pizza restaurant- This one stumped me. I can’t figure out what they were looking for (Google images does not have a pizza logo like this) nor can I understand what it linked to on our site. RLN faithful, what do you think?

joey verducci man to men x videosI’m not touching this one with a ten foot pole.

jason cozart - At first, I thought this might be Zach’s brother, but it doesn’t look like that’s the case. 

how many miles from stoops buick in muncie indianaIt is exactly 597 miles from Stoops Buick to Ithaca, NY.

dusty baker and weird office rituals burning incense and tecumsehOK, this one is just cool. Dusty Baker used to burn incense in his office while preparing for games. He listened to blues and had some really cool artwork in his office: framed photographs of Miles Davis, Henry Aaron, Junior Gilliam, Jackie Robinson, and a commissioned painting of Tecumseh. You can read more about Dusty’s old (yet very cool) office space here.

Category 4: What?

cozart cincinnati reds yeah i don’t waste time typing it in - No, I’m curious. What did you want to know about Cozart that was shorter than “yeah i don’t waste time typing it in”? Although I will commend this efficient Googler for saving keystrokes by not using Cozart’s first name.

wat is d wrd fr tht hppens all f a sudden tht ws nt planned - spntneus

aside from being utterly fascinating, bats are useful to humans, particularly farmers. (11)hmmm….a different type of bats looking for are you.

did anyone in third class on the titanic kick down the gates separating the classes -  Due to immigration requirements, gates restricted the movement of third class passengers to a particular section of the ship. The gates, however, were not knocked down but were opened…after most of the lifeboats were already gone. The titanic struggles at Redleg Nation are of a slightly different type.

make a list of harbinger that let us know it’s spring - Let’s see, Harbingers of Spring:

The Joe Posnanski a column about how this is the year for the Royals.

Soon to be followed by a Joe Posnanski post about the Royal’s terrible ownership.

But the best predictor of Spring here in Ithaca? Snow. You read that correctly, over a MONTH after the first day of Spring we received six inches of snow.

it’s all been working well it was 329 when i hate it when i came back last night was 330 - huh?

mats wants you to be a farmhand! - Mat, if you would like to write a ‘Down on the Farm’ during your rehab stint in AAA, that would be great.

and my all-time favorite:

posted broken heart emails - OK, I really want to know who punches this into Google. What person wants to read about people’s miserable breakups? If you want to listen to someone complain about their past relationships and how heartbroken they are, this should keep you busy for awhile.

11 thoughts on “This Isn’t the Site You’re Looking For

  1. Mike, your intelligent humor (oh, and intelligent analysis too…) have become a staple of the Old Cossack’s visits to RLN. TY sir!

  2. It would be interesting to know a little more. How many of us are in “Reds Country”? Are there any outliers, like “we seem to have a concentration of Reds fans in Mongolia”? Is there a spike in visits to the site from the cities the Reds just played in, about 1.5 hours after the game, all coming from the same hotel IP address? :-)

  3. Lol I’m currently living in Muncie. Red’s Caravan is about the only entertaining event here every year.

  4. how come when I google ‘ MICHAEL MAFFIE man to men x videos” it never links me here, the only thing that works for me is ’3rd hole cincinnati reds yeah i don’t waste time typing it in’

  5. As a System Admin, Webmaster, and DevOps guru, we use Google Analytics for analytical information about our websites too. I am not surprised by ANY of what you posted and probably some stuff you decided not to post ;-)

  6. This article was comical. Please do periodic updates of random searches. Also, could you give us some stats in regards to locations and times. I’m really curious to know.

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